College Material.

so i guess a lot of things have kind of happened since i last posted.
my sister was in for the weekend. her and i had a good time. we went to my Grandma's on Easter Sunday. it was a pretty day mingled in w/ all of the rainy ones. i do love rain tho. i took a lot of pictures there; once i get a chance i'll put some up.
my interview w/ Sylvia went very well. after she found out i wasn't in prison for the two years i took off, she let me know that i was accepted. all i have to do is get a paper from FSU and apply for my classes and housing.
it is so weird to think that, unless something completely unexpected comes up, i will be living here next year. i'm still kind of in shock i think. i'm excited. it will be such a change tho. i'm ready for something new.
leaving will be rough; saying goodbye to some people. leaving opportunities. but i think more will come out of this than me staying around Clarksburg. and most of all sara and i can finally be together like a real couple. that's very important.
crazy.
so during my interview, she was telling me about the clubs and how i should get involved in them. she then showed me some and explained a few. the first one was for Gays and Lesbians. i thought that was odd. i hope she didn't think i was gay...or a lesbian...
last night brian, adam, alli, sara, and i went to some old creepy factory. i have pictures of that too. i'll put them up later.
later on creeps.

...Our Vineyards In Bloom.

big, big news. my interview w/ UNCG is scheduled for next tuesday. i'm excited yet very nervous at the same time. i'd like to think that sylvia will be this really interesting and very cool and collected lady who will be interested in me and not just about me loving the idea of school. that i'll get to talk to her and that my honest answers will not cause her to send me away.
at work i, did what i do so often, which was set up a senerio where that was just the case. i don't feel like writing that all out. it was one of my monologues where i tell it like it is. i do that a lot in my head. it's when i want to say so much but i don't want to be real or hurt feelings or be looked at cross-eyed.
needless to say, i've thought about every way this may go.
i'm having the hardest time getting my workshop straightened out.
so Fluke is looking at recording in the near future. kind of a "before it's too late" thing.




now i give joe the elaborate background of they Might Be Giants. see ya next week.

Please Tell Us Why You Had To Hide Away For So Long.

this picture has been lying around in the youth room for months. i love it. i don't know if you can see, but they are smiling. i find it endearing. i hope i'm like that in my old days.

i went out and took pictures yesterday. it was so beautiful, i couldn't deny myself the fresh air, the wonderful clouds, and new vibrant colors. i headed out into the brisk spring air (tho it is summer) w/ my iPod set on Matt Costa. he's amazing. go buy his CD "Songs We Sing". that's all i'll say about that.
so i walked around; passing old people, children, and dogs. it was a very enjoyable day.
i have pictures up on my Flickr that i took. here are a few of my favorites:








*while looking around for lyrics for "The New Pornographers songs, i found that their female member has a solo album out. and her name is Neko Case. this struck me as odd because i just bought a song by such an artist. after searching my addictioin, wikipedia, i found that she in fact is the girl from TNP. and upon further research, i found that she was an early drummer for the 90's NY indie rock band, Cub. yes, that's right: the same Cub that wrote the song "new york city" that was later covered by They Might be Giants. amazing.
of course everyone knows that ben gibbard (death cab) and jenny lewis (rilo kiley) are in the postal service along w/ a guy from Dntel. Spoon and Vanderslice help each other. Vanderslice and beulah did so. along w/ Death cab and vanderslice. and Death cab and Nada Surf, and Death cab and the Long Winters. and Sean Nelson previously of The Long Winters is the lead singer of Harvey Danger. not to mention the Shins covering the postal service. i love how my bands help each other.

Waiting For Tubes To Heat Up.

sleep is a rare commodity in the world of me as of late. mostly due to my own choices and my work schedule.
it's been sometime, i know. not very many revelations in the past week. so i'll just let you in on some things.
i have applied at UNCG and i'm awaiting their response (which i hope is an invitation). i've been thinking up skit ideas for camp; adam and i have made some incredible storiese up. i'm very excited for that. and i've been forming my concert footage into videos for the public lately. it's very enjoyable.
i haven't really even taken too many pictures lately. it's been so dreary lately. everytime it's nice i have to work. i miss doing that.
i have this overwhelming feeling of being lost and even stuck some. i'm waiting and relying so much on getting into UNCG. i want so badly to make something of myself but i really do not want to have to work. very american, i know. i wish playing guitar and writing lyrics would come more easily to me. i get so frustrated w/ learning; i can't seem to do it fast enough. i don't feel like i'm growing all that much.
but i'm so ready for a change. i want to be near sara more than anything. i just want a new "everyday life". i'm very afraid of that very fact too.
i hope this works out for me.

Itchin' to Grow.

my beard, if you can even call it that, is not because i think it looks good. it's not even because i wanna grow a beard. it 's because i'm lazy and i don't feel like risking cutting up my face every few days.
and another reason is it's not as good as the drabni beard. jon and justin can make stubble seem elegant. mine's all patchy. it's sad. but i assure you, once i have the ability to grow one, i will.
so w/o further ado here is my reinterpretation of deb's "Justin's Beard":

A New Way To Walk.

I bought new shoes. I think it’s a symbol of a change in my life.

See, I’ve always wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be cool and liked and on MTV. Converse chuck taylors’ are the rock n’ roll shoe of choice. I mean, every cool band has at least one person in the band that wears them, or did at one time in their life.
I didn’t buy chucks because I was told to or thought the guys who wore them were cool. I did see them somewhere and liked them, yeah. But I didn’t wear them to fit in. I always had the dream of being cool. And I thought that my shoes would do that.
Now that I’ve learned a little bit more about myself and other things I realize that it’s better to be comfortable. To be yourself,
to do what you want-it’s good. To me, this is visible thru my new shoes. It’s a new way of walking thru life; in my brown nikes.

I feel like my musical abilities are blossoming a bit. I’ve been writing lyrics that I like. And I’ve been taking pictures of everything. I feel different.
I feel like I’m falling into a place where i fit better; where i belong. I’m happy about that.

Life After Death.

When I came home from north Carolina last week I saw a dead dog on the hi-way. It was on an exit right beside a housing development. I thought it was sad and then I started thinking that there was a family over there thinking their dog was just out having a good night. or maybe they were driving around looking for him. A little boy woke up asking where his best friend was and his parents promised him that his dog would be home when he got home from school.
I remember the feelings I had when I sat on the couch after youth on a Wednesday that I had just driven 6 hours home from North Carolina. My mom sat down next to me and looked at me. I could tell something was wrong. The news of Tigerlily was given to me. That was one of the worst days of my life.
I cried as I thought about what some family was going to deal w/ later. I wondered if they’d ever find their pet or not. I think it’d have been better to not find him.
I don’t think I’ve really thought of Tigerlily for awhile. Not that’d I’d blocked it all but I realized that I’ve become used to her not being around. So I thought about her the memories of her.
Once I got home I remember spending a few minutes just watching a 7 second clip I have of her on my computer; it looping as I remembered her sounds and her quirks.
Last Thursday when I was out taking some pictures, I walked around the yard looking for color. There isn’t too much out right now. But I noticed one little shot of purple. It caught my eye. I hadn’t seen it the day before when I was out taking pictures. Then I realized where they were; right on her grave.
I love her. She was a great cat.

Give Me A Moment.

so as i sit and rewrite the beginning of this entry for the third time, i understand that i'm very unhappy w/ the way things are. i can't get a few things right. and it's driving me insane. things aren't going like i want them to, and they aren't working quite right. iChat isn't loading, i can't check my email. just, things would be better if both of those would work.
and i can't get online at home on my mac to put up pictures and update, that really gets me steamed.
there's more tho. i just heard that the Juliana Theory broke up. that is what i'm talking about. things should be going better.
i'm stuck here at the church listening to The long winters. i have at least found a sound for this moment in my life. maybe that's it. i don't have a tune for my life that goes a little past the moment right now.
i'm realizing how much i still love North Carolina and it's inhabitants and how i feel like i'm more myself there. but i'm seeing too, what's so nice about Clarksburg. i have friends. everytime i think Fluke is dead and it should be, we all come together in a weird way and play and it's amazing. tonight is one of those nights. i don't know what to do about it.
i miss my conversations w/ friends where we get deep. tho, that's kind of happening around me right now. haha, it's so enjoyable.

i just don't feel like i'm who i should be right now. there are too many things that i want, but not enough do. there are so many pictures i want to put on the internet right now. but i can't because i don't have time. and because i'm lazy. there's my life. so much i want to do, so much i could do; i can do. i'm just too lazy.

yesterday i drove out and took some pictures. i walked thru the park today and took some. and i took some around my house. i do love taking pictures. i'm afraid i might be creating an addiction.
i'm not happy here. i'm not unhappy, i just know it could be so much better.

here are some pictures i've taken over the past few days:







POST SCRIPT:
as soon as i posted this, iChat and AOL let me in. amazing. Things get better...keep your head up.

Don't Be Sad That I'm Going.

the worst part of ever driving down to North Carolina is leaving North Carolina. driving away really is the hardest thing; especially when it's 6 hours away.

so in short i'm leaving for West Virginia today. this trip has been a very good one. it seems like almost my favorite. it seemed different. more structure or something. it was a step.
sara and i are definately growing. we get a little peeved at each other once in awhile but we're learning to get over that. we know our way of fixing it. i love interacting w/ her. she really is the girl for me.
today i woke up excited to see her. it was horrible when i realized i had to leave today. i'm having a horrible time leaving her bed. all i have to do is walk out the door. it's so hard. it's not appealing at all.
i had a great time w/ her friends. i feel like i can call them my friends. i only got to see brian for a little bit, that did make me sad. i think the two of us get along really well. there were a few other usuals that i didn't see as much. but there were new faces too. it was weird not being w/ gabe so much. we worked in our time tho.
i've love getting to know them all better; lily and alli are almost like sisters. john, max, tyson, logan, ray, siler - all of you, you make my trip so much better. and it doesn't even need to be better. you are all the spices to the stew. but i don't like stew that much, so that's a bad analogy. you are...you are all really amazing.
i'm so grateful that i've fallen into this group so easily.
see you next time.

**and there's your picture alli.

Prom, Hooray!

what a night.
after we drove around w/ brian (last post) we came inside and the girls started getting ready while brian and i chit-chatted and burned some CDs.
once he left to go and get ready for the real Prom, i got a shower and then got dressed. after getting dressed and looking so sharp, a few shots were snapped.






then we hit the town and went to a very nice Italian Restuarant. Mozianno's i believe. it was amazing. oh yes.

after that we went over to a guy's house and slept outside, had a campfire, watched "Scrubs" and then went over to Gretchen's hot tub. i wore horribly short shorts because i had no others. hopefully everyone will forget all about that.
many left or didn't make it. here are the survivors:





many fun things; alli and i arranging the Pepsi and dancing. golf carts, lighting marshmallows on fire, logan and i throwing "soda" cans @ trees. and batman is better than superman.

now sara and i sleep because we are dead.

Drive On. (Brian Is The Most Amazing Everything)

so today sara and i made a mix of some good songs.
and then brian came over and sara, he, gretchen, and i went out for a drive in his topless jeep.

we had fun. i saw this sign:

and a few more pictures:



and yes, i have the camera @ my house in WV. but i'm in NC so...i don't have it.

alright, well i'm off to get dressed up for the Not-The-Prom Prom. later you will all see how hot we look.

Moved On.

I've been taking it easy while here in NC. it's been a good trip. fantastic weather. again i love her family. and her friends. i'm welcome here.

last night alli, lily, john M., sara, and i went out to go bowling but due to the incessant smell of cigarettes decided to go to Sonics. alli, nor myself, have ever been to one. it wasn't all i'd hoped.
we danced to funkytown.

today sara's mom and i went out for lunch. we came back home and sat around talking for sometime. she's now gone to the library and i'm here listening to rogue wave. i always enjoy talking to her.


i must go pick the kids up from school now.