How Am I To Be?

So it's Three AM and I 'm posting mostly out of the fact that I haven't posted for sometime. I'm sitting on my couch watching Eric & Zach play Halo so this isn't the most inspired of posts but anyway...

It's been a busy few weeks for me. School is out for the summer and I can't take the classes I planned on due to lack of funds and changes in financial aid. I see this as a blessing as I am completely burnt out on classes. I think it'll do me good to sit around being worthless and simply enjoying life - whether it be recording music, telling myself that I'll read a book or any other meaningless-yet-pleasurable activity.

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I just moved into a house and it's so awesome. Sure the door knob is broken, the shower has a trick to make it work, and there's no dishwasher - it feels real. And I love it. I especially love the air mattress I've been sleeping on as it's a thousand times better than the used mattress I had before.

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Lately I've found myself either extremely joyful or empty of feeling. It's weird. Everyone man who has ever been in a relationship has been asked one of the most annoying questions ever: "what are you thinking right now?" And I'm here to say that it is completely possible to think absolutely nothing. I don't know if I ever truly believed it. "Nothing" was just an answer to avoid a conversation about some ridiculous thought that runs thru a man's head from time to time that isn't worth talking about at all or to just avoid a conversation completely. But I've caught myself actually thinking about absolutely nothing from time to time. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It doesn't really bother me but I wonder if I shouldn't be thinking about stuff - I don't even know what - just something!

But I guess all in all it doesn't bother me all that much. Sometimes a person needs to just sit and think about nothing and not try to psychoanalyze every happening. To just be. To simply enjoy life - I won't even say "to the fullest." But just to enjoy life. And I think to enjoy life you have to be who you want to be - not who other people want you to be.

Time you enjoy wasting , was not wasted.

- John Lennon.