A Fork In The Road.

I don't write on here much anymore. These days I ramble about over on tumblr.

Keep up with me me over at alexskidmore.tumblr.com.
Follow my Paste Magazine experience at squidpaste.tumblr.com.
And my lack of music over at nowbrokenghost.tumblr.com.

Keep The Dream Alive.

Hello Direction.

I’m always amazed when I look back on my life and remember other times of stress and uncertainty and I see how it all worked out and it’s led me to where I am now. We all worry so much about the future and as I’ve now graduated college and am looking toward mine, I feel frozen; lost in a limbo regarding what my next move should be. Sitting around waiting for doors to open while others are closing can drive a man insane. I’ve just never been that good at opening them for myself. But I long for adventure. For a life that is my own and a story with scars and pictures worthy of  retelling or remembering alone on a night with too much wine.
- me.

With that being said, come August, I will be moving to Atlanta, Georgia for an internship position with Paste Magazine until December 15th.
Hallelujah.

I Can't Drown My Thoughts If The Water Is Shallow.

The cold of January is upon us in Tennessee. I always tend to forget the extremes that occur here, what with the fires of summer and the biting cold of the winter. As the new year comes in, I barely feel a difference. The only thing I see is the end to the life I've made here coming down the road sooner than I feel necessary or ready for.

Even tonight rain turns to snow and traps people in their homes, sure to have tomorrow off. My house is no different. Tetsuo, a band consisting of two of my roommates and four friends, is hard at work in the basement. I can hear the discussion echoing it's way up to my room thru the ductwork that snakes from room to room, interrupted from time to time only by loud bass thumps that rattle the nails or a full band take that shakes the foundation.

Another group of friends is preparing for their show, which is down the road. The snow should make for a cozy setting.

And that is where I'm headed very soon.

______________________________

Each year brings on a wave of remorse. I think of the last year and what I've done and how stupid I've been. I think of all the times where I failed, sat back, or didn't care. Or even worse, a time when I acted, but with inept motions. I should have moved more. And I mean that both figuratively and physically. I let my brain take it easy a lot over the last year. And I did that by not really going anywhere. I've always been a home body and probably will, to some extent. But I should be out more. I did see New York in October but those five days hardly made up for a year.

But I know that most of it is in my head. I've done a lot of things - just not anything that matters to me. I don't feel that I've grown much. Like a plant that gets too much shade during the summer.

______________________________

I understand how people fall into ruts and it's a wonder anyone ever gets out of them. I hope that I get out of mine, whether it's internal or the other. It's time for me to wake up. It's time for me to step out and be in the world. I've hidden for far too long now.

I hope that I don't forget what makes me happy and that I can get my hands on it again. There are too many distractions floating around.

And I wonder what I'll think, when I'm older, about the life I've led here. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think about the past. I hope it's that I feel I've grown from this time and that I'm nowhere near the same. I don't want everything to change. But I don't want to feel that I've only moved laterally.

______________________________

But I know that I have grown. I'm a much different person than last year and the year before. I've had courses in school and I've worked at the radio station. I even had a few lessons in love. I know that things I thought a year ago have changed. Not all; some have stayed exactly the same, only having more weight behind them. But in the end, I recognize that I have more questions than answers and the answers all seem fake.

Maybe it's that I don't feel I've grown in the way that I think people have expected me to. I hope that I don't always view myself as some sort of disappointment to the crowd I came from. I want to make them proud. And maybe I feel that way more than I should.

Maybe I'm afraid that I've changed too much. That I've left something by the road and I can't decide whether or not to go back.

I've come to believe more and more that it's really about being proud of yourself. Because if you can't live with yourself, then who can you live with?

My Music of 2010.

Here are a couple lists of my favorite in last years' music. I'm not gonna rank them in any numerical order but rather hope that you'll check any of these out for yourself.

These are all of the releases of 2010 that I listened to. I didn't spend the same amount of time getting into some of these but all of them were enjoyable. At the bottom I've chosen a few to highlight.

Albums
Miniature Tigers - Fortress
Bad Books - Bad Books
David Bazan - Live At Electrical Audio
Nada Surf - If I Had A Hi-Fi
Dr. Dog - Shame, Shame
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Sufjan Stevens - The Age of Adz
Rocky Votolato - True Devotion
Rogue Wave - Permalight
Tetsuo - These Crystals Don't Burn
Avi Buffalo - Avi Buffalo
Broken Bells - Broken Bells
Laura Veirs - July Flame
Menomena - Mines
Damien Jurado - Saint Bartlett
Miles Kurosky - The Desert of Shallow Effects
Spoon - Transference
The Mynabirds - What We Lose In The Fire We Gain In The Flood
The Joy Formidable - A Balloon Called Moaning
The Soft Pack - The Soft Pack
The Black Keys - Brothers
Phantogram - Eyelid Movies
Ra Ra Riot - The Orchard
She & Him - Volume Two
Karen Elson - The Ghost Who Walks
Surfer Blood - Astro Coast
Weezer - Pinkerton: Deluxe Edition
The Thermals - Personal Life
Maps & Atlases - Perch Patchwork
Black Mountain - Wilderness Heart
The Walkmen - Lisbon
Starflyer 59 - The Changing of The Guard
Pearly Gate Music - Pearly Gate Music
The New Pornographers - Together
Jenny and Johnny - I'm Having Fun Now
First Aid Kit - The Big Black And The Blue
The Moondoggies - Tidelands
Belle & Sebastian - Write About Love
Good Old War - Good Old War

EPs
Telekinesis - Parallel Seismic Conspiracies
Sufjan Stevens - All Delighted People EP
Manchester Orchestra - Live at Park Ave.
John Vanderslice - Green Grow The Rushes
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. - Horse Power EP

Singles
These are a few individual tracks that came out during the year worth checking out.
Aqueduct - Past The Point
Bright Eyes - Coyote Song
Andy Hull - Summer Demos

Top Songs
Arcade Fire - We Used To Wait
First Aid Kit - Ghost Town
Avi Buffalo - What's In It For?
Nada Surf - Electrocution and Janine
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. - Nothing But Our Love
Menomena - TAOS
Ra Ra Riot - Boy
Telekinesis - Dirty Thing
Rocky Votolato - Fragments and Red River
Bad Books - Please Move
Miniature Tigers - Bullfighter Jacket and Mansion of Misery
Dr. Dog - Stranger and I Only Wear Blue
Surfer Blood - Floating Vibes
Damien Jurado - Throwing Your Voice
The Black Keys - Tighten Up
Rogue Wave - Good Morning
Sufjan Stevens - I Walked
Broken Bells - The High Road
Good Old War - My Own Sinking Ship
Spoon - Written In Reverse

Special Mention
Kevin Devine - He hasn't put anything out this year (aside from being apart of Bad Books) but his Brothers Blood album is fantastic, and as I've only just begun to listen to him, he's here.
The Thermals - Just started listening to them this year too. Personal Life is good but 2006's The Body The Blood The Machine is perfect.
Tetsuo - This is my friends' band. And it's amazing.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. - One of my favorite finds of the year. Check out their daytrotter.

Five Flawless Albums
Miniature Tigers - Fortress
Bad Books - Bad Books
Dr. Dog - Shame, Shame
David Bazan - Live At Electrical Audio
Nada Surf - If I Had A Hi-Fi

Honorable Mentions
Sufjan Stevens - The Age of Adz
The Soft Pack - The Soft Pack
The Joy Formidable - A Balloon Called Moaning

You Were Brave.

Now Broken Ghost // You Were Brave.

______________________________________

I posted this song a few days ago on my tumblr and it's also on myspace.

To give a little further explanation, I wrote this song a few years back after one of my friends had a miscarriage. I remember thinking about death for awhile after it happened and this is what came out.

______________________________________

A little over a year ago I recorded four songs for my roommate's recording project. As life happens, he graduated, moved, left the country, came back, got married and life continued.
He and his wife are now moving out of the country. They're back in town to say hello and then goodbye so we had the chance to get lunch today. I'm sitting here transferring the songs onto my computer to finish some of the production up.
Looking back, those late nights of arranging my songs and changing them from bare bones to full band were among some of my favorite moments. It was a reassurance that music is what I want my life to be about regardless of fame or fortune. I seemed to have forgotten that as of late.

Thank you to everyone involved & to Stephen for giving me that opportunity & being a dear friend.

I hope you all enjoy this song as much as I do.

I'm Gonna Let You Down.

Fall is here. I can feel the leaves starting to curl up as we speak. We aren't the only things to shudder in the cool breeze. Brightly colored scarves and caps are itching and beginning to wake up - ready to be pulled out of boxes and drawers. This is the season I live for. The season where I feel alive - as I watch the world die.

I recently read a friend's post wherein they wrote of being jealous of those like me because he hates the cold. For me it is a creative spark that comes alive. I sit in my cold room and read or write. It just feels how I imagine I was meant to live. I love the cold.

__________________________

Friendship is a fickle thing - or at least it can be. It's been a topic of discussion as of late between many and myself. it's something that we all strive for in some manner. It's a beautiful thing to be understood or at least feel that you aren't completely alone. And I cherish all of my friends for their strengths and faults.

__________________________

We've all had friends come and go. Maybe you moved away or lost them in a breakup. Or perhaps you simply drifted apart and what used to tie you together unraveled. I've lost them in all of these - each with their own sting.

But hurt is something that we get over. It may not be tomorrow but it occurs. You start to forget what it was ever like and when you do remember, you aren't even sure it really happened. Maybe you just saw it on television or in a dream.

__________________________

I used to get disappointed pretty easily but as I've grown up and spent more time walking around I've come to realize that we're all mess-ups. Everyone puts their foot in their mouth, cuts off a school bus and fails tests. So I don't expect everyone to be perfect. There are so many little things that can end friendships that aren't worth it. And I've overlooked quite a few because the person matters more. And after all, I know that I'm gonna let you down so I'll give what I'll ask for.

Everyone's a Wild Card.

This summer has brought a lot of change to my life and I've been pretty busy - too busy to sit down and look at it all. Actually, that's not true. I've sat down many times but it's hard to think when your head is empty or saying the same things it's said all along.

I remember what love is but I haven't forgotten loss.

I forgot what trust and faith were which makes them difficult to have all of the time.

People have come and gone from my life. Some of the coming has resulted in the going.

Rings are exchanged and babies are born.

I see the need to grow up as responsibilities are piling on my shoulders. It's time to put childish things behind me and stop wasting time. I've mastered wasting time.

I am alive, even though I'm not sure what for. But isn't that part of the point? To figure out this journey and find happiness?

I'm finally feeling at ease with myself. Actually, that's not true.

And this, like so many things in my life, is incomplete.