The Crash.

Lately I've written quite a few songs - probably the most ever in the shortest amount of time. The last post, Stars, was one of those. There is another that I haven't posted yet. We'll see. But this one I started last night and finished this morning.
It is inspired by a Nooma video titled Rain. Nooma videos, for those of you who don't know, are short devotional videos by pastor and author, Rob Bell.
This one is about how God is there for us during those hard times; during the storms that inevitably come. We may question why we go thru tough situations; it could be a test or it could just be life. But if we let Him, God shows us how he loves us and how sweet is that?

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I feel the rain on my nose
Seeping in thru my toes
I don't think I can
Get back home
Before it washes me down
And leaves me waiting on the ground
For a sun that may never come to
Dry me out

Will you hold me in your arms tonight
Whisper to me that I'll be alright
Could you please hold me tight
I want to feel your heart beat in mine

The crash of waves on my house
Boards are cracking; nails lifting out
Should of listened the first time around, am I
Gonna drown?
The wind is knocking at my door
Water's coming up thru my floor
Oh Lord, it doesn't work on my own
Anymore

Will you hold me in your arms tonight
Whisper to me that I'll be alright
Could you please hold me tight
I want to feel your heart beat in mine

Will you hold me in your arms tonight
Whisper to me that I'll be alright
Would you calm the storms in my life, in the
Midst of darkness will you be my light
Could you please hold me tight
I want to feel you heart beat in mine

Stars.

Woke in the morning with the sun rising into the eastern sky
Your light's so bright I couldn't help but squint my bloodshot eyes

Just a reminder of a brand new day
Would ya mind to go the hell away
There's still too much that i cannot face
At least let me finish my fall from grace


But I know the stars won't stop shining or the earth spinning 'round
Just because a guy like me's broken down

I want to tell you everything
That's flooding out of my heart and exploding from my brain
But I've said enough and you know what I think
God knows I don't want to push you away


Once the sun sets tonight I think that I'll be okay
Since tomorrow is a brand new day

I won't let this get in my way
If you decide to come back and stay
I'll be waiting with open arms
Oh baby, how I miss those stars

The Cycle.

It's a bad feeling - having your heart heavy with words. There is so much that I wish to say but this is neither the time nor the place for it.

At times my mind would go blank when confronted with some situation that I did not want to deal with. I would stay silent and reply with soft or childish "I don't know"'s. I know how frustrating that can be, to want - almost need or crave - a real response and get nothing.

But now that I'm stuck in a situation that cannot  be ignored for its utter importance to my being, I cannot stop thinking. My heart churns, sucking power from my brain, canceling all of my its involuntary functions.

Trying to hold my preconceived thoughts and desires, I fail and they explode from me - covering you.

It is too much for one person to deal with. It is too much for you, but before I can grab a towel to wipe you off, you are gone.

So I sit by the window, watching the rain come my way, thinking of what I should have said.

I am the King of France.

Rather Than write new posts, I'm retreating to my drafts folder. Most of those are unfinished and were not put up because of that or some reason. But I figure, why not? This one comes from March 6th, 2008.

What have i learned in the last few days? that's a good question. i've learned that i am high maintenance. by that i require cleanliness. i require a bed - that is comfortable, and space when i sleep. i can be pretty selfish. in that way, i suppose i am like an old man. i'm grumpy. i don't like to get out of my skin, it's hard for me to be spontaneous and do something that would probably be pretty fun. i use jokes to avoid answering heavy questions.

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so it's spring break. i'm in north carolina w/ sara. we're leaving tomorrow after her class for tennessee. she's spending a bit of her spring break w/ me. it's been nice. 

i've put off a paper that i don't quite know how to write. it's due monday. i have no desire to complete it.

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last night i experienced rock's equivalent to bebop jazz. most of the crowd seemed to have no idea of how to respond to it. i responded by keeping sara's hands from applauding and holding my head in my hands. i did not like it.

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everyone has baggage. it's just something that happens as time goes on. some people can run faster with their baggage than others. baggage is different. but eventually everyone reaches a point in their life where they must choose their baggage or their train.

________Postscript____________________

It's always easier to hold onto what we're used to; what's familiar. There is comfort in the familiar. We recognize our place and how we fit into it, like an old worn in mattress. it may be broken or stained - maybe it needs replaced. but it is still comfortable and safe.

Losing that comfort is hard  but we learn from it. There are times that we want to run back into it even if it isn't the right thing to do. but with time, we realize why we hung onto it; why we lost our grip; or why we let go.

maybe we even learn that we don't need it, or that we're better off without it.

perhaps we will always miss the feel of the old leather handle in our hands and realize that it is the best thing out there.

and if we're lucky, we'll find it in the ditch right where we left it - but that's a risk we have to take.