I am the King of France.

Rather Than write new posts, I'm retreating to my drafts folder. Most of those are unfinished and were not put up because of that or some reason. But I figure, why not? This one comes from March 6th, 2008.

What have i learned in the last few days? that's a good question. i've learned that i am high maintenance. by that i require cleanliness. i require a bed - that is comfortable, and space when i sleep. i can be pretty selfish. in that way, i suppose i am like an old man. i'm grumpy. i don't like to get out of my skin, it's hard for me to be spontaneous and do something that would probably be pretty fun. i use jokes to avoid answering heavy questions.

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so it's spring break. i'm in north carolina w/ sara. we're leaving tomorrow after her class for tennessee. she's spending a bit of her spring break w/ me. it's been nice. 

i've put off a paper that i don't quite know how to write. it's due monday. i have no desire to complete it.

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last night i experienced rock's equivalent to bebop jazz. most of the crowd seemed to have no idea of how to respond to it. i responded by keeping sara's hands from applauding and holding my head in my hands. i did not like it.

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everyone has baggage. it's just something that happens as time goes on. some people can run faster with their baggage than others. baggage is different. but eventually everyone reaches a point in their life where they must choose their baggage or their train.

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It's always easier to hold onto what we're used to; what's familiar. There is comfort in the familiar. We recognize our place and how we fit into it, like an old worn in mattress. it may be broken or stained - maybe it needs replaced. but it is still comfortable and safe.

Losing that comfort is hard  but we learn from it. There are times that we want to run back into it even if it isn't the right thing to do. but with time, we realize why we hung onto it; why we lost our grip; or why we let go.

maybe we even learn that we don't need it, or that we're better off without it.

perhaps we will always miss the feel of the old leather handle in our hands and realize that it is the best thing out there.

and if we're lucky, we'll find it in the ditch right where we left it - but that's a risk we have to take.