The Art of Making A Good Sequel.

I went for a run today. It's the first one in a long time. Probably since my time at home during Christmas. It may have been longer than that. I find choosing the right music to be the key. I had something in mind, I believe it was Miles Kurosky's album but I ended up going for mewithoutYou as it was what I had listened to last and the song "Every Thought A Thought of You" just felt right.

When I go running I usually go down to the end of Ewing to where the water tower stood up until about two weeks ago. Then I turn left and come back down Bell Street until I meet Crestland. Then I walk up to my house. If I do that twice it's about two miles. Today I only did it once.

My favorite part was when I was chased by a little pepper colored dog. He yapped and I laughed.

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As I sat on my porch, hoping to God that I didn't throw up or pass out, I noticed a cigarette burning in the wet leaves. In the time it took for me to run my course, it took Austin to smoke. I've been thinking more and more that I shouldn't smoke cigarettes anymore. I wouldn't say I'm a smoker by any means as one pack lasts me longer than a month. It's just the occasional one at night as we talk on the porch or after a few drinks. It's a good break from having my nose in a book or after I've been thinking too hard about a song. I used to really like the taste. Maybe that's why I started out with the candy ones. I have two left that have been there for over a month. If I wait long enough, I know that Spencer will steal them. I have come to think that cigarettes aren't nearly as bad as we've all been told. I mean, yeah. They're horrible little sticks of shit but a little poison never killed anyone. And isn't it nice to cause a little destruction once in awhile?

It's a nice fall day but it's nowhere near fall. It just feels like it. It's actually a good day to sit on my porch with a book & a cigarette. But I would hate to sound like a hypocrite.

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It's also a good day to sit in my slightly chilly room and play guitar. I've been working on a handful of songs for a while now. The content is different than my older ones. Well, that's not true. They're all about relationships. I guess they're just different ones. Every chorus isn't just some sad sack wailing about a woman who broke his heart. But some of them are. They're about being lied to and being tired of watching a friend drink their self to death.

But it's that second verse that always gets me. That's where I'm stuck with most of them. Or finding some way to spice them up and make them longer than two minutes.

I've actually thrown the idea around to quit writing songs. It used to be an outlet but now it feels more like a responsibility. I don't know if my heart is in it anymore. That's what happened to my photography. But I don't know what I would take up. I love to write but I feel that it's gotten in my head that it has to be a certain way. I dunno. It's not for me anymore. I miss that. But I don't think I'll ever really stop. Inspiration will come, the wall will crumble and I'll finish something.

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I think that's why sophomore albums seem to slump. Who really has all that much to say? I could take the thirty or so songs I've written and pick out ten that are really good and make an album and be done with it. Go be an investment banker or something.

I'm trying to teach myself some music theory to help out with that. It's gone well so far. I mean, really, who wants to be an investment banker?

I Decided To Never Ride Again.

I've been very selfish lately. I take all of the time I have and throw it out the window. Usually, I'd be the first to defend taking a moment for yourself but it has gotten a little out of hand. I feel bad about that. I believe that it is time for me to do some growing up. I've used the last year and a half to do whatever I wanted. I tried to make it about something bigger but the truth is, I took my freedom - after I accepted it - held it close to my chest, abusing it.

I've been lonely, lonelier than I have ever been. I remember being very upset to leave my girlfriend for Thanksgiving when I was a freshman in high school. I laid awake all night thinking of her and wishing to be with her. I've been lonelier than that though. That memory just always sticks out to me.

I've made an art of numbing myself. I used to write a lot more. Songs, thoughts, blog entries. I've put my brain on autopilot and just gone thru the motions. But really, I've been using my brain a lot. I've read a little more than usual and tried to be more aware of my surroundings. I just don't ever sit down to release some of that knowledge that fills me up. It's draining to hold it in. Everyone needs some kind of release. I guess I've done that in other ways.

Spring break started yesterday evening for me. I have some goals. Tasks to accomplish over the next week. To finish The Sun Also Rises. Finish writing some songs that I've been working on for too long now and, Lord willing, record at least some part of them.

But I suppose that I became selfish for selfless reasons. I was in a much different place when I wrote the first entry in my journal (dated January 22, 2007), although I cannot recall the situation that caused me to write it. Regardless, it has stuck with me and is as follows:

"I can't keep my plants alive. How can I keep a relationship alive?"

Maybe some people aren't meant to be with another - not for lack of want but because they simply don't have a knack for it. At least I know how to start a fire.

Ironically, that plant is still alive...barely.

The Megaphone Factor.

Originally written 2/4/10 at 12:33pm. (On that day, it wasn't deemed complete but it works alright now. Even though it is a little late.)

I don't usually get too topical on here but I feel that this holds merit.

Last semester a preacher from a group called Pinpoint Evangelism came to my university, Middle Tennessee State, and stood out among the common path and gave his message. His message was one of judgement and God's anger toward us. I missed his initial visit but a lot of media surrounded it as a student assaulted him or something like that. If you care to learn more then google any combination of: 'crazy preacher' 'mtsu' and 'assault.'

But I write this because someone from that group is on campus today. I'm not sure if it's the same guy but it very well could be and probably is. I've heard a lot of his coming by way of Christian organizations on campus getting together to organize a plan to help spread the Truth of God's love.

So I finished my Abnormal Psychology test and walked outside to see a large crowd and decided to head that way. After all, I could use a cup of coffee and saw students laughing and mocking as other students and college pastors walked around saying things like, "Please read the Bible" and handing out leaflets with verses of scripture that speak of God and Jesus' love.

It is sad that many of those students have a perception of Christ that is like what this man says. That He hates His creation and especially gays and liberals. I question what good will come of it and if this group believes that they are doing good by scaring people to the Lord. I wonder if that will happen even once today. And is that even worth it if by doing so you anger a multitude of others and tarnish the name of the one you speak for?