Itchin' to Grow.

my beard, if you can even call it that, is not because i think it looks good. it's not even because i wanna grow a beard. it 's because i'm lazy and i don't feel like risking cutting up my face every few days.
and another reason is it's not as good as the drabni beard. jon and justin can make stubble seem elegant. mine's all patchy. it's sad. but i assure you, once i have the ability to grow one, i will.
so w/o further ado here is my reinterpretation of deb's "Justin's Beard":

A New Way To Walk.

I bought new shoes. I think it’s a symbol of a change in my life.

See, I’ve always wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be cool and liked and on MTV. Converse chuck taylors’ are the rock n’ roll shoe of choice. I mean, every cool band has at least one person in the band that wears them, or did at one time in their life.
I didn’t buy chucks because I was told to or thought the guys who wore them were cool. I did see them somewhere and liked them, yeah. But I didn’t wear them to fit in. I always had the dream of being cool. And I thought that my shoes would do that.
Now that I’ve learned a little bit more about myself and other things I realize that it’s better to be comfortable. To be yourself,
to do what you want-it’s good. To me, this is visible thru my new shoes. It’s a new way of walking thru life; in my brown nikes.

I feel like my musical abilities are blossoming a bit. I’ve been writing lyrics that I like. And I’ve been taking pictures of everything. I feel different.
I feel like I’m falling into a place where i fit better; where i belong. I’m happy about that.

Life After Death.

When I came home from north Carolina last week I saw a dead dog on the hi-way. It was on an exit right beside a housing development. I thought it was sad and then I started thinking that there was a family over there thinking their dog was just out having a good night. or maybe they were driving around looking for him. A little boy woke up asking where his best friend was and his parents promised him that his dog would be home when he got home from school.
I remember the feelings I had when I sat on the couch after youth on a Wednesday that I had just driven 6 hours home from North Carolina. My mom sat down next to me and looked at me. I could tell something was wrong. The news of Tigerlily was given to me. That was one of the worst days of my life.
I cried as I thought about what some family was going to deal w/ later. I wondered if they’d ever find their pet or not. I think it’d have been better to not find him.
I don’t think I’ve really thought of Tigerlily for awhile. Not that’d I’d blocked it all but I realized that I’ve become used to her not being around. So I thought about her the memories of her.
Once I got home I remember spending a few minutes just watching a 7 second clip I have of her on my computer; it looping as I remembered her sounds and her quirks.
Last Thursday when I was out taking some pictures, I walked around the yard looking for color. There isn’t too much out right now. But I noticed one little shot of purple. It caught my eye. I hadn’t seen it the day before when I was out taking pictures. Then I realized where they were; right on her grave.
I love her. She was a great cat.

Give Me A Moment.

so as i sit and rewrite the beginning of this entry for the third time, i understand that i'm very unhappy w/ the way things are. i can't get a few things right. and it's driving me insane. things aren't going like i want them to, and they aren't working quite right. iChat isn't loading, i can't check my email. just, things would be better if both of those would work.
and i can't get online at home on my mac to put up pictures and update, that really gets me steamed.
there's more tho. i just heard that the Juliana Theory broke up. that is what i'm talking about. things should be going better.
i'm stuck here at the church listening to The long winters. i have at least found a sound for this moment in my life. maybe that's it. i don't have a tune for my life that goes a little past the moment right now.
i'm realizing how much i still love North Carolina and it's inhabitants and how i feel like i'm more myself there. but i'm seeing too, what's so nice about Clarksburg. i have friends. everytime i think Fluke is dead and it should be, we all come together in a weird way and play and it's amazing. tonight is one of those nights. i don't know what to do about it.
i miss my conversations w/ friends where we get deep. tho, that's kind of happening around me right now. haha, it's so enjoyable.

i just don't feel like i'm who i should be right now. there are too many things that i want, but not enough do. there are so many pictures i want to put on the internet right now. but i can't because i don't have time. and because i'm lazy. there's my life. so much i want to do, so much i could do; i can do. i'm just too lazy.

yesterday i drove out and took some pictures. i walked thru the park today and took some. and i took some around my house. i do love taking pictures. i'm afraid i might be creating an addiction.
i'm not happy here. i'm not unhappy, i just know it could be so much better.

here are some pictures i've taken over the past few days:







POST SCRIPT:
as soon as i posted this, iChat and AOL let me in. amazing. Things get better...keep your head up.

Don't Be Sad That I'm Going.

the worst part of ever driving down to North Carolina is leaving North Carolina. driving away really is the hardest thing; especially when it's 6 hours away.

so in short i'm leaving for West Virginia today. this trip has been a very good one. it seems like almost my favorite. it seemed different. more structure or something. it was a step.
sara and i are definately growing. we get a little peeved at each other once in awhile but we're learning to get over that. we know our way of fixing it. i love interacting w/ her. she really is the girl for me.
today i woke up excited to see her. it was horrible when i realized i had to leave today. i'm having a horrible time leaving her bed. all i have to do is walk out the door. it's so hard. it's not appealing at all.
i had a great time w/ her friends. i feel like i can call them my friends. i only got to see brian for a little bit, that did make me sad. i think the two of us get along really well. there were a few other usuals that i didn't see as much. but there were new faces too. it was weird not being w/ gabe so much. we worked in our time tho.
i've love getting to know them all better; lily and alli are almost like sisters. john, max, tyson, logan, ray, siler - all of you, you make my trip so much better. and it doesn't even need to be better. you are all the spices to the stew. but i don't like stew that much, so that's a bad analogy. you are...you are all really amazing.
i'm so grateful that i've fallen into this group so easily.
see you next time.

**and there's your picture alli.

Prom, Hooray!

what a night.
after we drove around w/ brian (last post) we came inside and the girls started getting ready while brian and i chit-chatted and burned some CDs.
once he left to go and get ready for the real Prom, i got a shower and then got dressed. after getting dressed and looking so sharp, a few shots were snapped.






then we hit the town and went to a very nice Italian Restuarant. Mozianno's i believe. it was amazing. oh yes.

after that we went over to a guy's house and slept outside, had a campfire, watched "Scrubs" and then went over to Gretchen's hot tub. i wore horribly short shorts because i had no others. hopefully everyone will forget all about that.
many left or didn't make it. here are the survivors:





many fun things; alli and i arranging the Pepsi and dancing. golf carts, lighting marshmallows on fire, logan and i throwing "soda" cans @ trees. and batman is better than superman.

now sara and i sleep because we are dead.

Drive On. (Brian Is The Most Amazing Everything)

so today sara and i made a mix of some good songs.
and then brian came over and sara, he, gretchen, and i went out for a drive in his topless jeep.

we had fun. i saw this sign:

and a few more pictures:



and yes, i have the camera @ my house in WV. but i'm in NC so...i don't have it.

alright, well i'm off to get dressed up for the Not-The-Prom Prom. later you will all see how hot we look.

Moved On.

I've been taking it easy while here in NC. it's been a good trip. fantastic weather. again i love her family. and her friends. i'm welcome here.

last night alli, lily, john M., sara, and i went out to go bowling but due to the incessant smell of cigarettes decided to go to Sonics. alli, nor myself, have ever been to one. it wasn't all i'd hoped.
we danced to funkytown.

today sara's mom and i went out for lunch. we came back home and sat around talking for sometime. she's now gone to the library and i'm here listening to rogue wave. i always enjoy talking to her.


i must go pick the kids up from school now.