But Dan and Scott are making loud music downstairs so I have my headphones on as I listen to The Long Winters' fantastic EP titled Ultimatum.
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I've faced some things lately. To be completely honest, small doses of a feeling I wish to never feel again. I think it's just my nature to fall too fast and too hard. But oh well, at least I know I'm alive. And it's not only bad that comes from these times. I've owned up to some things and...well I've stepped up to bat. It feels good. It feels good to be alive.
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I hate this, this inability to cross over a line and say what I want to. Worrying about feelings and images is just...ridiculous. There's some need to think things are a certain way but to be completely honest they aren't. If that wall weren't there I would say how hurt I was. Not that it was a deep one but enough to grow some clouds. I'd make known the feeling that it's time to mark out some states on my map. But do I really mean that? No. I don't. It'd be said as a sarcastic quip and that's all. But I still wish I could say that - among many other things. As therapeutic as writing is for me, I hate holding it back. Sometimes it doesn't seem real unless it's out. And writing it in a book for myself doesn't always seem like enough. So I don't mean to rub noses in the dirt - I just mean to speak my mind.
But I would also say how wonderful the last week was for me and that it resurrected my belief in happiness with another person. And I have you to thank for that - among many other things.
