We Slept on Couches.

i woke up for work today and once i popped Coldplay's Parachutes album in the CD player and hopped in the shower i remembered my odd dream. Ben Folds and I were living together making music. he played drums and i played guitar (which is a little off since he's amazing at piano). it was a nice dream. i remember he flew away in an airplane at the end of it. and he does live in Nashville...

i guess that's what i get for falling asleep to Rockin' the Suburbs...

today feels like it will be a good day.

So What Did You Do Today?

After first realizing that I start a lot of sentences w/ the word “so” I start my entry for the 2nd time…
Today started around 10:45 as I awoke and headed downstairs. I learned two very important things: one of which doesn’t concern you and the other being that we lacked the amount of milk needed to accompany the bowl of Cocoa Krispies that I had just poured. I compromised on a smaller bowl and headed for the television. There, the masterpiece known as Scrubs entertained me with reruns I’ve seen a hundred too many times.
After that the day turned quickly to a day filled with music. After talking Bill Mallonee (an artist who is becoming more of an inspiration day by day) w/ my dad and burning a copy of his latest release – Permafrost (which dad received today and pricked both of our ears), I headed to my room to listen to him. That quickly turned to more music intake.
(and how could I fail to mention that Bill will be in Lost Creek, WV on June 17th?)

Then I found the eight back orders of Paste Magazine (the best music magazine in the world) that I had ordered setting on the porch. So of course I had to rip into that. I ordered them because they contain some of my favorite artists by articles, featured on the sampler CD or DVD or reviews. Artists such as: Ben Folds, Arcade Fire, Sufjan Stevens, The New Pornographers, Iron & Wine, Bright Eyes, Death Cab for Cutie, John Vanderslice, The Decemberists, The Postal Service, Rilo Kiley, Neko Case, Denison Witmer, Beulah, and countless others I haven’t found yet.

The videos of Bright Eyes (The Bottom of Everything), Rilo Kiley (It's a Hit), and The Postal Service (We Will Become Silhouettes) were especially nice.
But I was quite disappointed by the less than fair review of John Vanderslice’s last release, Pixel Revolt.
(Read about his upcoming release HERE.)

So now I’m sitting listening to T.W. Walsh formerly of Pedro The Lion’s new project, The Soft Drugs and loving it.
I recently saw the other part of Pedro the Lion, David Bazan on tour with Benjamin Gibbard of Death Cab and one of my new favorites, Johnathan Rice. I don’t think I need to go into too much detail of that show to express how amazing it was. So I will say simply that – it was amazing.

So how could I do anything else today…today, a day that has been filled w/ inspiring things, than to play work on music or simply enjoy the day? It is a beautiful day after all.

I guess that’s all I had to say…which isn’t much at all.

For anyone that's human - Clearification.

Stretching Out To Reach The Sun.

I feel this need for interaction right now. but i know that i must dive deeper into my seclusion and work on my speech that i must give tomorrow. have you ever felt like just saying, "forget it! i ain't doing that!"? well...today that is me.
i'd rather sit here and listen to aqueduct or bright eyes or the snake the cross the crown or sufjan stevens or john vanderslice.
better yet, i'd rather get out of my house. i'm getting fat.

i'll slowly be putting up more videos from concerts i've been too.
here's a short video of JV and his mom:


i want to be outside. i want to play guitar.

tomorrow night is Fluke's first public performance in over a year. we're playing at Fairmont State's Battle of the Bands.
it is at 8PM in the Turley Center Ballroom. it costs $2. there's my plug.
we haven't practiced for awhile either, which leads to the 2nd source of stress/frustration. i think we'll do fine - i hope we win.

i am tired of faking living. i hope to truly live someday.

here's some lyrics to a song i wrote. it's called "Snow"; it's about dreaming.


It seems life is flying by at light speed
Everything good has passed me by the time I turn around
And I need a plan to slow it down

But in reality
Life’s not always easy
It’s nothing like TV
You can’t turn it off

I just wanna keep on sleeping
Sometimes I wish I were dreaming
But I’m pinned down in my problems
The truth is I’m tired of living

Dreams come true? I always heard
That the grass is greener, but only when the sun is shining
And snow is falling while I doze off at the wheel

I need a plan to stay awake as long as I can
Cos when I sleep I don’t dream anymore
That is until you melted the snow and opened my eyes

Let’s face reality
Life’s not that easy
But dreaming won’t make you happy
You’ve gotta make it happen

How could you just be sleeping?
Don’t you wish sometimes you were dreaming?
If only I had that problem
Cos I’m tired of faking living

There’s a great big world outside
Don’t spend all the time in your mind
Go be what you want to be
And stop living in reverie

How Quivering & Fierce We Were.

well, i played bass guitar for John Vanderslice this past weekend. I'm not sure that there's much more to say about it.
it was really really cool - i played on the song "My Old Flame."
JV said that he got a lot of responses about me - that were good.



i felt pretty good about it too. i had stood thru the entire set of St. Vincent and JV's first half until the time of "Dear Sarah Shu" when he gave me nod from the stage to tell me i was next. i went off to the bathroom to quell my manifestation of anxiety. my hands shook wildly as i washed my hands in the cold water. the bathroom had posters and stickers of bands that had or had yet to come.
i stepped out and meandered up to the stage. the song seemed to go a lot more quickly than i thought it should have. i was only standing up front long enough to take in a couple deep breaths before he said my name and asked me to come up.
as soon as he did, i dropped all the notions of doing badly or looking stupid. i realized that i was about to play bass with one of my favorite artists.

it was another reminder of what i want to do. i felt so at peace on stage. i wasn't nervous about being in front of people (except for JV). it was great.

another reminder was friday night when i played guitar for sara's friends as we sat on the porch late into the night. people liking my music was encouraging.

i can't wait to go to Tennessee.

The video.

I'm a Bad Best Friend.

right now i have this feeling that i hate. it seems to come up from time to time (more rare anymore) where i cannot remember what i wanted to write about. on the way to panera bread this morning...around noon, for the bbfyc meeting i had an idea going thru my head. and now, when i feel like writing - i can't remember.
everyone has a time when they need to vent. i'm not sure why i choose to do it here rather than where no one will see it. perhaps it's because i think that my opinion is worth hearing. i supposedly have that right. and i'm not making you read this. we all see thing we'd like to change and we've all had times when we feel that we cannot say them. i feel like saying them. so, as it comes...

i feel like don miller as he talks about living with hippies and feeling real, unconditional love by them - more so than w/ his christian friends.
i talked to my friend justin about this and he knew what i meant. there was a time when we had that and i remember when we lost it. unshared feelings and jealous rage. people were hurt and it ended. a few of us tried to keep it going but no one else was into it. too many of us have been burned and have drawn back into our caves. sticks are shaken and people chased off.
i want people i can trust. i want a friend i can just lie w/ in the grass and talk to. i hate everything feeling so business-like.
sometimes i come home and just want to scream because i don't understand why people can be so arragant and self-absorbed. i wish people could get over themselves and stop complaining because they have to do something that they have to do. it's just not fun anymore. drama surrounds us.

i've missed north carolina more and more. it's funny actually. when i lived there it was pretty unenjoyable. it was a very awkward time for me. i felt completely alone except for sara. she's fine and all - she's more than fine. but i needed more. i expected to have all of these people and whenever i called they weren't home.
but when i visit, it is wonderful. i see everybody or at least the majority, and we sit in the grass and talk. we may disagree in our political and religous views but we can get deeper than that. we all have something in common there is a genuine care between those kids.
on a side note:
i think that's my beef w/ christians. so many just see things at face value. so many people look at something and judge it in one second. they don't look to see the point of it. they don't even look to see what they could do to improve it. christians want everything to be perfect and it's not. i'm fed up w/ christian music so much that i would flat say i hate it. there are always exceptions, but they've all broken up or moved more mainstream. i feel like there is no sense of artistic creativity in the christian community and that is why i do not like it. if what we have is so wonderful and holy then why aren't we making the most beautiful art? i don't understand it and i'm not seeing it.
there's a loss of humanity anymore. feeling compassion and wanting to do something about it is so rare anymore. even if it goes against your political range, why can't you understand and actually see what's happening? why are some issues even political? Jesus' whole thing was love and here we are just not caring. i wish i were more into helping people.


we don't just talk anymore. i don't know what's on your mind and on your heart. sometimes if i try and ask you make me feel dumb. i'm not that upset about moving come fall. part of me can't wait to start over. i don't want to be stuck in this small town eating at the same restuarant for years to come. i hope i'm gone and doing what i want - and i hope you are too.


personally, i wish i were a better person. i know i could be. i could care more and be more dependable. i could do my homework before the night it's due. i could spend less time watching television and go outside. i could make a difference, i know. i wonder what people think about me. could someone i know write an entry about things i do? probably.

Good News & Even Better News.

I've finally accepted the version of a song i had called "beg your pardon." it took awhile to get it edited so that i liked it. i'm not sure if i've succeeded completely, but i wanted to get it out there. SO, check out my myspace to hear it.

and now for the "even better"
If any of you keep up w/ John Vanderslice then you will have noticed that on his current tour, he has asked for people to play w/ him. so...on my 21st birthday (april 26th) i will be playing bass w/ him @ the Local 506 in Carrboro, NC. i'm playing on "me and my 424" & "my old flame." i can hardly believe it and half expect to show up and it be a complete lie. or maybe i'm in an episode of Newhart...

Completely Unoriginal.

it's so much easier to play someone else's something than to write your own. right now, the thing that i cannot get thru my head is how to make these recordings of mine sound any better or how all of these people can do things with a guitar that they do.
out of my frustration have been many half-attempts and pout sessions.
that is to say: i've written a few songs but don't have them recorded. i did however, record my attempt at a Bright Eyes song, "The First Day of My Life." it is a very good song.
it's up on my music space, so check it out!

A Latent Power I Know They Hide.

so it's just after 1am and i'm stuck to Fuse TV. my magnetic connection can sever once The Shin's music video for "Phantom Limb" ends. it's actually the only reason i watched it.
today my parents and i departed for pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to get my sister; she flew in for her spring break. like every car ride, it ended with me falling asleep in a most awkward position while listening to music on my iPod. mostly being The shins and Death cab and Spoon.
the most exciting thing that happened today: , while waiting for her plane, we looked thru ikea forever...i bought a cactus. how exciting. hopefully it will live as well as my chiapet widget. (sadly, it has died three times already)
then we went to a book store forever. i couldn't find a book i had seen there once before about learning harmonica (which is harder than you'd think - or maybe i'm untalented) so i looked thru some outdated books on the topic of home recording. i wish i had money to buy all of this equipment and be able to do what i want to with my music.
i've written two new songs. i just need to record them, after i finish touching them up. i'm very happy with them.

personally, i hated the movie "the science of sleep," it made no sense. well, okay...it made sense. sometimes people try to be too artsy, and his was one. i liked parts and things in it. just not enough to like it all.

i'm driving to North Carolina, to spend time w/ sara this friday morning and see the shins on saturday. oh, my blood cannot sit still. it courses thru my body constantly, filled with excitement. or maybe it's just to keep me alive. friday, why are you a week away?

new releases to look out for:
March 6th
Relient K - 5 score and seven years ago
march 20th
Modest mouse - we were dead before the ship even sank
the snake the cross the crown - cotton teeth

there's so much music that is crap, in my ears. why is that all that's on television?
i got my shins fill and i've emptied my mind, the end.

The Art of Lying, Or Give Me Death.

---this is a paper that i wrote for my english class in two hours. sara liked it, so i figured i'd throw it up. enjoy.---


Sweat drips from the artist’s brow as he makes the final strokes, making the picture complete. He stands back, giving it one last look-over as the paint dries, locking it into place. It must be flawless before its unveiling. Every fiber and strand has been woven together perfectly, forming an opaque web of false beauty. He is proud of what he has made; it is good. Those who look upon it become lost in it, their minds winding around and around every twist and turn that the artist’s brush has left. Without a second thought the naïve observer has bought into the spinner’s lie.
Most everywhere one goes they will encounter a statute on lying. And in probably every case, it is looked down upon quite harshly. Consequences could be expulsion from an institution, or a parent threatening a child with time-out or a spanking. One must swear in a court of law to “tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” The disapproval of lying is even high enough to make it into the Ten Commandments given by God to Moses on Mount Sinai. And in chapter five of the book of Acts, God kills Ananias and Sapphira for lying to the Apostle Peter.
While lying is intensely discouraged, everyone would say that they have lied at least once in their lifetime (even that would be a lie).
And why are some people so good at it while others fumble with words and begin to sweat as soon they try their hand at it? It is as if they have attended classes on how to make anything sound believable, cover their tracks, and do all of this while remaining completely confident in their deception.
All throughout middle and high school I have encountered people who could talk their way out of anything. These students could convince a teacher that aliens came and asked for that day’s assignment so that they could fuel their spaceship and return home. And watching them was like watching a magician performing an illusion that could not be figured out, and caused complete enigmatic responses. “Is that possible?” one would say to themselves upon watching again, more closely for the slight of hand that had to be there.
An art form is defined as: “any activity regarded as a medium of imaginative or creative self-expression.” Looking back, these people were artists, real-life Ferris Buellers! They lived by Ferris’ own words, “You can never go too far.” Nothing was out of reach for them.
Lying typically is not seen as beautiful; it is not a masterpiece n canvas or a composer’s magnum opus. It holds no greater importance than a long-awaited writing from the foremost novelist. And yet, while it is none of these, it is very similar to them all.
A liar’s lie is his masterpiece. Like a symphony, every part is important. Even the smallest percussive instrument, the finest detail, is crucial. Without it, the composition may appear weak or empty; the fabrication may unravel. If that happens, the ramifications could be devastating and ruining. One bad lie, a string of unwanted paintings or a song failing to reach the number one spot could lead to one’s demise or the viewing by the public as being washed out; a one hit wonder.
Like all art forms, talent is required and only the bold and innovative will survive in its cutthroat industry.
Not all art forms were widely accepted in their beginnings. Rock n’ roll was considered immoral and the devil’s music in the 1950’s, while Impressionist painters were scorned for painting differently from the norm back in the 1860’s. Perhaps in time, lying will be accepted and we will learn about con men and liars in years to come. After all, we study politicians in history class today.


---new Aqueduct album, AMAZING. listen here: http://barsukmusic.blaireau.net/aqueduct/---

Video Lives.

are you among the few that has yet to see ladderboy? what?! you are the minority.

to see the short film saga sweeping the nation, go to the new link: http://www.closerstep.com/sites/bear/page1/page1.html.

what's different you ask? well you can download them and episode two now has sound! oh, wond'rous day.

Boy Howdy!

alright, w/ music stuff:

i've put up more songs on my myspace - www.myspace.com/alexskidmoremusic

and there is now a fluke myspace. we've got one song up right now, i'm sure we'll get more. www.myspace.com/meetfluke

enjoy.

Music For You, or Charles Says 'Hello'.

as adam, or charles, sits here belting out his american idol tryout songs, i'm excited to tell you all of the songs i've put up on myspace!
so, go to: www.myspace.com/alexskidmore music. to have a listen.
the tracks i have up are from today's recording session w/ alex linger. if you hate the reverb, it's his fault. if you like it, then you're welcome.
enjoy!

p.s. for a good hearty laugh, go to www.mypsace.com.

Serendipitous Update, or Here We Are Again.

i find myself sitting on a couch in the youth room on a saturday afternoon. which rarely happens, or at least it has been.
i received a call from joe to come and record some songs. we had done this in the past and it gave us a tangible little lo-fi treasure. so i got up, packed up, and hopped in my car to come and hit the tracks again.
he's playing a song now that i like alot. i don't know what it's called though. i've recorded my bass track for tazisto about three times now and i want to do it again so that the perfection check in my head is marked.
i'm reassured that this is what i love - making music. it's been too long.

i guess this post only sounds good with joe singing his song behind it. if only you could hear.

Are You Writing From The Heart?

Last night ended just about how every night ends. i stayed up late- this time, watching the two episodes of the office that i've missed. i did this w/ full knowledge of my nine o'clock class and that the notion of skipping it to play in the snow was dancing in my head.
so i laughed hard, especially when Michael Scott's robot said "boobs", and i giggled w/ glee when the mighty mighty team that is Jim and Pam reunited to fool Andy.
Then i fell asleep at one o'clock.
then i tried to wake up many times from 7:30 til 7:55. this process was foiled by dreams and the invention of a snooze button. finally, a connection was made in a dream that i had to wake up, so i did. what follows is not anything of interest. (actually, my fear that cripples me into locking the bathroom door did resurface. i believe it stems somewhere around the time i was struck w/ a plunger by Gabe Adams & Adam Mchenry. oh, or perhaps when Justin Mitchell jumped into the same shower as me and used my shower gel while i cowered in the corner wrapped in the curtain.)
i head off to school w/ iPod in hand, already having selected Sufjan Stevens. this alone is enough to cause someone to become a new person.
class is alright...i catch myself in the restroom mirror after dropping my books off in the classroom, and admit how good i look.

my english class sort of disappoints me. everyone has something to say, i'd like to think that. why aren't people more open and willing to say what they think? writing is one way that everyone is different. while there may be similar views, no one has the same vocabulary or vocabulary. that's what makes it so unique! no one voice is the same.
i've been missing my writing sense. it's been so long since i've felt like i had something to say. today inspired me more. i've been meaning to buy a journal lately. today i did.

class is over, i'm walking out into the cold and i hear some people engaged in the "soda vs. pop" controversy. i can't help but laugh since i've been involved it in so many times. some things will always be talked about. that's one of them. (by the way, it's pop.)

so i get in my car and pop on Sufjan again. the song titled "Come On! Feel The Illinoise! (Part 1: The World's Columbian Exposition; Part 2: Carl Sandburg Visits Me In A Dream)" is playing and the line that is this entry's title is sung.
i think that's what i was missing. my heart.
i love the movie "lady in the water"; i feel as if i've seen my nymph.

i've felt so much like giving up on things lately. not too seriously, but it's gotten tough. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever learn guitar as well as i want to. i haven't had anything to write about and i haven't taken any pictures.
but lately, i felt like i've gotten that back. it's like, the inspiration to do it just showed up. the snow fell and i opened my camera bag. i heard those words and i wanted to write.
so i suppose to ask, "are you writing from your heart?" is to ask, "are you living life?"

do you have something that makes your heart beat faster?
i'd hate to think i'm writing all alone.

A Few New Shots To Soak Into Your Bones.

so today it snowed. wee! after your leaders meeting at church, a few of us went sledding. my weapon of choice: a folding table.


i love driving in the snow. following the record-like grooves around and around. it's peaceful and slow.
i've uploaded new pictures. i know, it's been awhile. go to my flickr to check them out.
here's a few to tease your budds:

Counting The Times A Quarter Turns To Ten.

i listen to music that grapples my emotions way too much. the words are like nets thrown over, only to drag me deep into a cave of broken hearts and tears.

so i found out recently that i am accepted into Fairmont for this spring semester. but even more encouraging is the news of being accepted into Middle Tennessee for the fall. that's a weight off i welcome.
but now i've got the task of scheduling for classes.

i feel good about all of this. i'm already jumping to when it's over.
maybe thinking that everything will work out isn't so smart. i think i'm scared about being unhappy. i want to be happy and there is so much on the line right now.

being a very nostaglic person, i love the song "these days" by nico.
i wish i gambled more. but i don't think i'll ever stop dreaming.
i hope not.

I’ve Had My Fill, or, All Things Go / All Things Grow

I have so many things in my head and none of them seem right. I’ve been emotional lately; crying at things that I would normally never look at again. It’s all been in movies though. I know what it feels like it to feel purposeless and alone. I have dreams that at times I would throw out the window or burn because of how hard and unlikely they all seem.
I think I’ve cried at everything I’ve wanted to hear myself - everything that I don’t.
At times I feel the complete opposite, perhaps, unworthy, but not worthless.
It would be nice if things came easily and answers to life, the paths to take, were right in front of you. If the happiest options were laid out to see, how wonderful that’d be. The fact that I could make a decision now and be unhappy for years, unsatisfied, or not at my potential…scares everything out of me.

The banjo of Sufjan Stevens has been inspiring. Actually everything of his has.
I wish I knew what was best for me and whoever walks this world with me. I just don’t feel like I do at all.
Stepping out blind is nerve racking. It’s even worse if it’s hazy because what you think is one thing may be completely different.

In Response To Your Monday.

today, for the second time this year, my world moved. but as where last time was a step to the left, this was a step to the right.
i feel like i'm in a space between spaces. i'm the line between the lines that i'm trying to read. i'm not quite sure what i'm doing. i hope it's good.
i'm glad my head's on straight though. i've noticed there are a lot of non-headed people in my wake. and i can only wonder if perhaps they'd still have their's if i'd not left their side.
i ate a cookie too; it didn't fill the void that came today.

so i've taken some pictures. a few last ones before i left NC. that was such an odd thing. it didn't even feel like leaving. i don't think it's hit me yet that i'm not going back in a week. the pile of possessions in my room should be a good indicator.
hark, the sound of unpacking joined w/ that of nico.

i think listening to your soul is something to try.

What is Snow?, or, Where to Go?

what is up w/ this weather? i'm wearing t-shirts in december w/o a coat. North Carolina is crazy.

it's hard to believe that this is my last weekend in sanford. it seems like it was so long ago that i moved it.
i have one more final and then i'm done, i'm so relieved.
i'm still unsure of what to do when i get back home. i've already agreed to being joseph in a thing for Horizons next sunday. i am excited to work w/ the youth again. i've missed playing guitar for them and i feel like i'm really willing to give it more this time around.
school is another thing. i've been giving an opportunity to do something and i'm really considering it. i'm not sure though. getting started in school is really important right now. i guess we'll see what i do.
i've fallen in love w/ sufjan stevens. i never quite gave him a chance until i heard the song about Decatur.
i guess i am pretty unsure of myself right now. exactly what i'll ever end up doing. sara and i are wondering about what's coming up in our lives and what it'll mean for the two of us. it's a challenge we've not yet faced.

in time we'll find it.

The Buzzing Won’t Stop!

Written Friday, December 1st.

I’m in this unhealthy addiction to 60’s rock music, The Beatles & Simon and Garfunkel mostly.
I also have this incessant buzz emanating from my stove area. It starts as a “once in a while thing”; it’s now a “never ending thing.”

All of these songs I’ve heard have further inspired me to work on the story I’ve come up w/. its a sort of autobiographical thing based on my life right now. But its more exaggeration of what could happen – not what has happened. I like the idea a lot. Oh, and I’ve come up w/ some good music for the next installments of “Ladderboy”; that’s right: he’s coming back…I guess.
I wrote a song. I’m excited to have a chance to record back in WV w/ joe and adam again. I’ve been missing that part of my life a lot.

I have this paper to do on Censorship in the Music Industry. I’m torn as to what side to go with. I believe it’s the conservative Christian in me that says music should be rated like films. Music has the same stuff in it that would get a movie an R rating. Children shouldn’t be exposed to the stuff in music that compares to what they aren’t allowed to see in movies.
i also don’t think any art should be censored – covered up or refused exposure. But we should watch what audience is exposed to it. we have the right of free speech. So whether it’s marilyn manson or Michael w. smith – they have the right to put out what they want to.
Now if only I can write 4 pages on that topic…by Monday.