Music For You, or Charles Says 'Hello'.

as adam, or charles, sits here belting out his american idol tryout songs, i'm excited to tell you all of the songs i've put up on myspace!
so, go to: www.myspace.com/alexskidmore music. to have a listen.
the tracks i have up are from today's recording session w/ alex linger. if you hate the reverb, it's his fault. if you like it, then you're welcome.
enjoy!

p.s. for a good hearty laugh, go to www.mypsace.com.

Serendipitous Update, or Here We Are Again.

i find myself sitting on a couch in the youth room on a saturday afternoon. which rarely happens, or at least it has been.
i received a call from joe to come and record some songs. we had done this in the past and it gave us a tangible little lo-fi treasure. so i got up, packed up, and hopped in my car to come and hit the tracks again.
he's playing a song now that i like alot. i don't know what it's called though. i've recorded my bass track for tazisto about three times now and i want to do it again so that the perfection check in my head is marked.
i'm reassured that this is what i love - making music. it's been too long.

i guess this post only sounds good with joe singing his song behind it. if only you could hear.

Are You Writing From The Heart?

Last night ended just about how every night ends. i stayed up late- this time, watching the two episodes of the office that i've missed. i did this w/ full knowledge of my nine o'clock class and that the notion of skipping it to play in the snow was dancing in my head.
so i laughed hard, especially when Michael Scott's robot said "boobs", and i giggled w/ glee when the mighty mighty team that is Jim and Pam reunited to fool Andy.
Then i fell asleep at one o'clock.
then i tried to wake up many times from 7:30 til 7:55. this process was foiled by dreams and the invention of a snooze button. finally, a connection was made in a dream that i had to wake up, so i did. what follows is not anything of interest. (actually, my fear that cripples me into locking the bathroom door did resurface. i believe it stems somewhere around the time i was struck w/ a plunger by Gabe Adams & Adam Mchenry. oh, or perhaps when Justin Mitchell jumped into the same shower as me and used my shower gel while i cowered in the corner wrapped in the curtain.)
i head off to school w/ iPod in hand, already having selected Sufjan Stevens. this alone is enough to cause someone to become a new person.
class is alright...i catch myself in the restroom mirror after dropping my books off in the classroom, and admit how good i look.

my english class sort of disappoints me. everyone has something to say, i'd like to think that. why aren't people more open and willing to say what they think? writing is one way that everyone is different. while there may be similar views, no one has the same vocabulary or vocabulary. that's what makes it so unique! no one voice is the same.
i've been missing my writing sense. it's been so long since i've felt like i had something to say. today inspired me more. i've been meaning to buy a journal lately. today i did.

class is over, i'm walking out into the cold and i hear some people engaged in the "soda vs. pop" controversy. i can't help but laugh since i've been involved it in so many times. some things will always be talked about. that's one of them. (by the way, it's pop.)

so i get in my car and pop on Sufjan again. the song titled "Come On! Feel The Illinoise! (Part 1: The World's Columbian Exposition; Part 2: Carl Sandburg Visits Me In A Dream)" is playing and the line that is this entry's title is sung.
i think that's what i was missing. my heart.
i love the movie "lady in the water"; i feel as if i've seen my nymph.

i've felt so much like giving up on things lately. not too seriously, but it's gotten tough. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever learn guitar as well as i want to. i haven't had anything to write about and i haven't taken any pictures.
but lately, i felt like i've gotten that back. it's like, the inspiration to do it just showed up. the snow fell and i opened my camera bag. i heard those words and i wanted to write.
so i suppose to ask, "are you writing from your heart?" is to ask, "are you living life?"

do you have something that makes your heart beat faster?
i'd hate to think i'm writing all alone.

A Few New Shots To Soak Into Your Bones.

so today it snowed. wee! after your leaders meeting at church, a few of us went sledding. my weapon of choice: a folding table.


i love driving in the snow. following the record-like grooves around and around. it's peaceful and slow.
i've uploaded new pictures. i know, it's been awhile. go to my flickr to check them out.
here's a few to tease your budds:

Counting The Times A Quarter Turns To Ten.

i listen to music that grapples my emotions way too much. the words are like nets thrown over, only to drag me deep into a cave of broken hearts and tears.

so i found out recently that i am accepted into Fairmont for this spring semester. but even more encouraging is the news of being accepted into Middle Tennessee for the fall. that's a weight off i welcome.
but now i've got the task of scheduling for classes.

i feel good about all of this. i'm already jumping to when it's over.
maybe thinking that everything will work out isn't so smart. i think i'm scared about being unhappy. i want to be happy and there is so much on the line right now.

being a very nostaglic person, i love the song "these days" by nico.
i wish i gambled more. but i don't think i'll ever stop dreaming.
i hope not.

I’ve Had My Fill, or, All Things Go / All Things Grow

I have so many things in my head and none of them seem right. I’ve been emotional lately; crying at things that I would normally never look at again. It’s all been in movies though. I know what it feels like it to feel purposeless and alone. I have dreams that at times I would throw out the window or burn because of how hard and unlikely they all seem.
I think I’ve cried at everything I’ve wanted to hear myself - everything that I don’t.
At times I feel the complete opposite, perhaps, unworthy, but not worthless.
It would be nice if things came easily and answers to life, the paths to take, were right in front of you. If the happiest options were laid out to see, how wonderful that’d be. The fact that I could make a decision now and be unhappy for years, unsatisfied, or not at my potential…scares everything out of me.

The banjo of Sufjan Stevens has been inspiring. Actually everything of his has.
I wish I knew what was best for me and whoever walks this world with me. I just don’t feel like I do at all.
Stepping out blind is nerve racking. It’s even worse if it’s hazy because what you think is one thing may be completely different.

In Response To Your Monday.

today, for the second time this year, my world moved. but as where last time was a step to the left, this was a step to the right.
i feel like i'm in a space between spaces. i'm the line between the lines that i'm trying to read. i'm not quite sure what i'm doing. i hope it's good.
i'm glad my head's on straight though. i've noticed there are a lot of non-headed people in my wake. and i can only wonder if perhaps they'd still have their's if i'd not left their side.
i ate a cookie too; it didn't fill the void that came today.

so i've taken some pictures. a few last ones before i left NC. that was such an odd thing. it didn't even feel like leaving. i don't think it's hit me yet that i'm not going back in a week. the pile of possessions in my room should be a good indicator.
hark, the sound of unpacking joined w/ that of nico.

i think listening to your soul is something to try.

What is Snow?, or, Where to Go?

what is up w/ this weather? i'm wearing t-shirts in december w/o a coat. North Carolina is crazy.

it's hard to believe that this is my last weekend in sanford. it seems like it was so long ago that i moved it.
i have one more final and then i'm done, i'm so relieved.
i'm still unsure of what to do when i get back home. i've already agreed to being joseph in a thing for Horizons next sunday. i am excited to work w/ the youth again. i've missed playing guitar for them and i feel like i'm really willing to give it more this time around.
school is another thing. i've been giving an opportunity to do something and i'm really considering it. i'm not sure though. getting started in school is really important right now. i guess we'll see what i do.
i've fallen in love w/ sufjan stevens. i never quite gave him a chance until i heard the song about Decatur.
i guess i am pretty unsure of myself right now. exactly what i'll ever end up doing. sara and i are wondering about what's coming up in our lives and what it'll mean for the two of us. it's a challenge we've not yet faced.

in time we'll find it.

The Buzzing Won’t Stop!

Written Friday, December 1st.

I’m in this unhealthy addiction to 60’s rock music, The Beatles & Simon and Garfunkel mostly.
I also have this incessant buzz emanating from my stove area. It starts as a “once in a while thing”; it’s now a “never ending thing.”

All of these songs I’ve heard have further inspired me to work on the story I’ve come up w/. its a sort of autobiographical thing based on my life right now. But its more exaggeration of what could happen – not what has happened. I like the idea a lot. Oh, and I’ve come up w/ some good music for the next installments of “Ladderboy”; that’s right: he’s coming back…I guess.
I wrote a song. I’m excited to have a chance to record back in WV w/ joe and adam again. I’ve been missing that part of my life a lot.

I have this paper to do on Censorship in the Music Industry. I’m torn as to what side to go with. I believe it’s the conservative Christian in me that says music should be rated like films. Music has the same stuff in it that would get a movie an R rating. Children shouldn’t be exposed to the stuff in music that compares to what they aren’t allowed to see in movies.
i also don’t think any art should be censored – covered up or refused exposure. But we should watch what audience is exposed to it. we have the right of free speech. So whether it’s marilyn manson or Michael w. smith – they have the right to put out what they want to.
Now if only I can write 4 pages on that topic…by Monday.

A Trip Down Some Lane.

i've sat and tried to write a post a few times this week. everytime i do, i get bored and blocked and cannot.
it's been a week of driving, oh has it. i'm settled for a day now, then it's eight more hours.
what has this set of car trips taught me? hmmm. i've seen that music is more to me than most people. it seems that way.
actually, i feel the same about movies. i've just realized that. see, the music thing has been floating for a few days now.
i feel like i take something away from it no matter what it is. that's not true. i refuse to be handed anything by rap.
today's been pretty rough. i've been on edge w/ a lot of things. i've felt very belittled. i'm a pushover of sorts.
i like watching things pass by.

i don't feel like typing now. there comes my apathy. or maybe it's indecision in masses. i'm so indecisive that i quit.

i'll leave you w/ this tid-bit:
order the shin's new EP by clicking the title!

The Irony's Laying Thick.

so right now, i'm sitting in a dark church parking lot using internet that i'm not paying for. i don't even know where it's coming from. it's 11:41 and i've been sitting here talking to good ol' joe barnosky, listening to a.c. newman & rocky votolato, and catching up on my emailing.

i dropped my math class; you have no idea how good that feels.
it's quite ironic that once i'm about to leave sanford, i start to feel myself settling in. i'm seeing this people that i spend time w/ as friends. they're not my best friends. we have a lot of differences, but they like me and i like them. they are sincere.

i think i see that clarksburg is my photography muse and sanford is my music muse. i haven't taken any pictures since i've been here (in contrast to what i take back home); the opposite is true w/ my songwriting. i don't find this area to be visually appealing i suppose. and all of my alone time has caused my to mind wander.

lately i've been addicted to a nintendo game titled "Pikmin". it's sad, and childish...i love it. you play a spaceman that's crashlanded on this planet and you have to use these creatures you find, called pikmin, to do stuff. there are different colors and the different colors do different things. when they die, it is sad.

i read an old interview/review of Starflyer 59 and their 2003 release, Old. it was enjoyable, i will leave you link in case you care to endulge yourself.

it's getting colder and the moon is higher. i believe it's time for me to roll on out and head back to my one room everything.

Who Needs Fire?

How I crave a warm fire to crawl up next to and lay like a snake. Instead, my space heater and a cup of hot tea will have to do. Sure it’s 1:30 in the AM, but I do get an extra hour tonight. So I will waste it away as if it didn’t even exist.
I write now, listening to jenny Lewis, feelings I’ve been trying to scribe out for weeks now. I’ve actually had this yearning to write, but haven’t been able to sit and spill. I have an idea for a story I want to write. It’s kind of my life right now; w/ some exaggerated details and predictions that probably won’t happen. It’d be nice if I could channel that writing creativity into my paper that’s due Monday. Oh well. Stress is the best motivator.

So much seems to be happening. I feel like I really know what I want to do; of course it requires me to leave Sara and return north. Middle Tennessee State University has a program in Music Production. Sadly, only four classes from CCCC (my current school) transfer to MTSU. So, I’m going home for a semester to take classes @ Fairmont that will transfer down. And pray to God that I’ll get into MTSU.
For once what I want doesn’t seem so far fetched. I’ve wondered if dreams ever do damage to life ever since I heard nada surf’s “in the mirror”. Pipe dreams are wonderful, but if that’s all you have going for you then maybe it’s time to put down the pipe. It’s like someone saw me putting down the pipe and said, “What are you doing? That’s crazy – don’t stop dreaming.”
Dreams are what we’re made of. Sara always has these crazy dreams that never make sense. I like hearing her dreams. Especially when they’re about me.

It’s sad to think that there are people who don’t have dreams of their own. That there are people who aren’t happy, and have no clue of what would make them happy.
I like knowing, or at least thinking that I know, what that is.

I feel like making a mix CD, so I believe I leave to do so. I do owe a few people some anyway.
The combination of Jenny Lewis, a space heater, and a cup of lady Grey Tea is a very soothing one.

I’ve changed my mind; never put down your pipe. Smoke it long and hard, until you’re dead…or living.

Gone. Forgotten?

I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.
-Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey)

i watched "american beauty" the other day. now i can't remember why it motivated me so much. that motivation didn't last long, whatever it was.

i have new pictures up!

College Funds.

these roads are so familiar, but it seems like it has been years since i've been here. things have changed, but the people remain. as i walked into the church during middle school youth group, i looked around to faces that i missed. it was a warm welcome and i loved every minute of it.
everyone commented on my pseudo-beard; i said i was shaving it and they cried, "NO."
i still think i will.
it feels so good to be home. my parents and i talked early into the morning about all kinds of stuff. i've missed them quite a bit.
my mom rearranged my room.
some guy passed me on the way home, and screamed "asshole" at me; i caught up to him but didn't know what to do. so i did nothing.
it's freezing in West virginia. i'd kill to be a polar bear; except then i'd be in the tundra. that's colder than west virginia. so would it really be worth it?
this week i look for a new college and read and play lots and lots of poker.

Dwindling Flame.

when will things change?
i've applied at 4 different places, and none feel like hiring me.
i've put homework off every time i've had it. i've told myself that i wouldn't do that anymore after each time. i'm doing that right now actually.
i'm still lazy, which i also told myself i would do no more.
i have written a few more songs. that's about the only thing i've done to make me feel valuable.
i have thought more about what i want to do. i've come up w/ some ideas but they are hard. i think they'd be worth it tho.

my english class really is good. the few people i've hung out w/ outside of classes are in that class. we talk a lot about current events and relate them to writing. it makes me think.

i am enjoying this. it seems all of my posts lately have been downers. it's just that i'm seeing how unsure of everything i am. but i'm seeing other things. i've grown since i've been here. i've been forced to wash dishes and clean and cook. being responsible for yourself is really something. it's not all cake either.
my biggest upset is being alone so much. and i don't really feel that i have people close by who can take that feeling away.
it's hard to explain.
i've seen what i really enjoyed, what i should have treasured. hearing about things back home is fun but it makes me miss it too.
i'm full of contridictions. i've always had the problem of seeing both sides and trying to even it out. then it all hits in the middle and a blah comes out.

okay, it's time to turn off the mewithoutyou, drive away from my secret location, and go study for biology. goodnight all.
and remember, it works both ways.

A Few Pictures.

so here's a look at my house. yea, that's right, i live in that room.




here is a picture of the long winters:



not too much else to say, take it easy.

Empty Web Syndrome. (Now You Never Will)

i came home on thursday. it was a beautiful day. like any other, i said hello to jack, who was hanging so peacefully in his web and not bother a thing. once i got inside and was making a sandwich, i noticed someone walking around outside of my door. i walked to my door and looked out. she was spraying something around the house. i didn't think much of it, tho i did expect her to be an exterminator. after enjoying my sandwich, i remembered jack. i ran out to check on his safety but instead found a disturbed web and no jack. he was gone.
it's sad to think that my outdoor roommate was evicted w/ such little notice. i hope he's alive, but i really doubt it.
anyway, here's a picture to remember him by. it is titled, "You Don't Know Jack".

last night was my performance at the Thespian Society thing at Lee Senior. i was well received, or so it seemed. i wasn't as nervous as i thought i'd be. actually, i did go to the bathroom twice w/i 20 minutes.
regardless, it was great. i had fun.

today i'm getting all of the homework done that i can because on sunday sara, lily, and i are driving to asheville to see the long winters. monday will be a rough day, but it will be so worth it. (click the title above to stream their new cd)

monday, sept. 25th:
ben Gibbard is the musical guest on Jay Leno.

so what'd everyone think of the season premier of "The Office"?

Here's Your Sign.

so joe sent me this picture and i thought it was worth putting up.

Kingdom Come.

tonight at youth i led worship. it was interesting. i enjoyed it a lot actually. i felt like i was really apart of something - which hasn't happened too much since i've been here.
then a few of sat around talking about Christianity - it was great telling stories and answering (or trying to answer) questions for each other.
i left being filled w/ excitement for what's to come w/ this youth group. i feel it has potential and it's on it's way.
i've had a hard time leaving my big church back home. but i think that i'm going to get more out of this actually. tho my new church isn't racking in money and building a new building, adding services to hold everyone; it doesn't have a 7 person worship team - even still i feel like i'll get something from it. i am excited to see what happens. i'm anxious for that.
and i'm excited for the small group too. i hope it goes well - i think we'll at least have fun.
so again i'm avoiding homework and must get it done. so i'm off to battle it.

jars of clay has a new CD out called Good Monsters! someone buy it for me!

How They Shine For You.

after realizing that i couldn't sleep so well, i decided to hop on and write down a few loves of the day.
last weekend was sara and my three year anniversary. i can't believe we've been together that long. it's been such a fun ride; lots of twists and turns and jumps and smooth landings. i wouldn't choose anyone else to sit next to in the rickety old cart either.
so as a sort of celebration, we went out to a movie, which was Little Miss Sunshine - it was very good. we both became girly during a few parts. we walked around Southpoint, in durham for awhile, stopping only to watch a guy juggling.
we then headed for schlotzsky's - the best restuarant ever. we came home to play super mario bros. w/ jesse and jennifer. sadly, we never made it past 3-1 for various reasons. our skill was only one; the age of the hardware was another. oh and my attempts to look like i knew a lot about the game was the last one.
and of course we had to break out The Office Season 2. how i love that show. i will turn her.
now i'm listening to the sweet tunes of Coldplay, living my dreams in my head, and wondering what more will come for sara and i. hopefully we'll be as happy as some other people i know. i have no doubts.

i never quite know how to end these. i always want to give some sort of encouragement or cause people to think. since i'm the only one who reads this, does that mean that actually i just want to make myself think? probably.