Is It Your Way Or The Highway?

Going to a university does a lot to a person. Lines drawn and promises made in ages past are crossed and broken. It's all about exposure. As new people enter your life with different backgrounds than you and your home bunch, you see sides to things that used to cause gasps, hushed whispers and raised hands over mouths. But now those things don't seem as bad.

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Next Monday marks the end of my 24th year. As every year, I look back to see what I've done and like every year I question what worth I have. What meaning does my existence hold? I know that I'm not living to my full potential and I can accept that. But it stings a little, to see people who have done something with their life - who used their early years to make something happen. I have a very hindering lack of drive. I wasn't pushed into anything as a child. I wasn't taught to do my best. I do what I have to get by. And that's no way to live. I lead a C average life.

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I joke that I started life late, taking time off after high school. Most of the people I graduated high school with have graduated or started families. But here I am, still in school and completely unaware or ready to be out of this phase of life. But honestly, it is unsettling. Perhaps I assume that they are happy or have their heads on straight. But I'm starting to believe that nobody ever truly gets their head on straight.

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I am grateful for this life even if I have a funny way of showing it. But I'm afraid that I'm wasting it. And I'm afraid that in 24 years I'll be ungrateful.

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Did you know that Michael Jordan was playing for the Bulls by my age?