So I've been recording some songs over the last week or so. My roommate has to do a project and he's recording four of my songs. We plan on recording about three or four more on our own. I'm not sure what I'll do with them but it will be awesome regardless. Being in the studio recording has been really cool and it's shown me more that I want a life in music. Being the artist is easier and more fun. Playing my songs - however they are received - makes me feel happy. It's honestly about the only thing that lifts me at this point. It's amazing how music can do that. Playing songs that describe heartache and break shouldn't make me happy, but it does. I think it has something to do with being able to speak what my heart and mind are feeling comes easier that way. It's soothing. Maybe I just like the sound of my own voice. But if being miserable is the only way that I can write good songs then I'll put down my guitar.________________________
I've been in a kick of music that is dismal. Haha, I realize that all I've listened to for awhile are songs that are about failed relationships as the concept. Damien Jurado, Pedro The Lion, Noah and The Whale, and Death Cab have been my go to's. Just knowing this feeling isn't exclusive to myself is comforting. The music may be beautiful but the pain that causes it is not.
________________________
I remember seeing an episode of This American Life that told the story about a boy who was in high school and had vowed to never fall in love because of what it does to people. And he's right. Love turns people into fools; much like a drowning man who fends off his rescuers. And it makes me wonder if it is really worth it. Does love offer something that is unattainable in any other way? I suppose it's much like a drug. If you never experience it then it's easy to never start. But once you get a taste on your tongue, you find yourself searching for more and more. And when it burns you - you may give it up - but most likely, you'll find a bigger fix to cool it down.I'll personalize it and ask, "Why do I desire to pour myself into another person knowing that it will end in pain?" I could guess that it's because I want a connection. Because I want to know someone intimately myself and learn from that connection. I want to give whatever it is that I have to offer. And on the flip side, I want someone to care about me and pour into me. It's a give and take. Yet, even after tasting the bitter side of love I search for it now. Only a fool...
________________________
This is a song I wrote a couple months back that seems to fit. (And one that's being recorded.)
Reconnect The Wires.
If love is just a game
That all the fools play
Why is it that I find myself
So lost in your ways
And when I see your face
Everything else fades
And I remember that you were mine
Once upon a time
When you can't reconnect
The wires of your heart
I will always be right here
To give you my heart
Tonight this New Year's Eve
While I'm home with the kids
It's him but it should be me
Who is kissing your lips
When you can't reconnect
The wires of your heart
I will always be right here
To give you my heart
